Body Changes Post Pregnancy

Now when I was pregnant I was showing by the time I was 8 weeks. In June of 2012 I was 3 months pregnant and people were shocked to find that I wasn't 5 months along. Initially I made the mistake of believing I would "carry small" because it was my first far progressed pregnancy and my mother "carried small". But that was not to be my fate. 

So needless to say my body did some serious expanding. In addition to that, my daughter was a week overdue and I was suffering!! Skin burning and itching non stop. 

After I had my little bundle, I dropped down to my original weight which isn't the tiniest number but I yet to see my waist line return to it's original size. SO the weight distribution has definitely changed. So I have some challenges ahead which include making time to work out with the demands of being a new mom. I haven't found that balance yet. 

As for stretchmarks yes I do have some though they aren't too severe. The funny thing is I made it all the way to month 9 before I saw a trace of any of them.  I do credit their minimal presence to my pregnancy skin regimen.  I made a video about it that I posted to Youtube. you can check it out here :
                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZMyxnc6TTU

I probably put almost everything on my skin but in the end narrowed it down to this.

AMBW and the story of How Far We've Come How two became three.

AMBW
This subject is so highly searched on Youtube, some people just add it to their tags to jack for views. Admittedly that's how I found about about this Couples Category a couple of years ago. I fell down some crazy rabbit hole watching video after video....like so many other people and admittedly still watch videos though they seem less frequently post, less relevant to the actual topic and when they are relevant less interesting nowadays.

So, here I was chugging along minding my own business, staying in my lane, if you will, in my relationship only to find out it's been filed in a folder.....under "A" for AMBW.

I don't know what to make of it. Part of me is intrigued to be labeled in such a particular way and to be in relationship that has somehow become interesting simply because of the races we happen to be as a couple. It's made almost edearing. When we started dating I was completely oblivious to the trend. And the word (TREND) leads me to my other train of thought.  I don't necessarily know if I feel comfortable defining my own relationship as AMBW because I don't know if it's necessary.  I have so many categories I'm in already in this life and even my relationship had already been filed under "I" for Interracial and now I should add a subfolder too?  Having a label within a label makes it seem trendy, fetish-y, fad-like and temporary.

I guess that I fear that it marginalizes a loving relationship and when you meet someone, that's really the main goal. And the last thing that should happen when you seek out love is to have a label make people believe that you are couple together for anything other than love. So it leads me to wonder if all this labeling can do more harm than good.

I remember a couple of summers ago my honey and I were walking into a supermarket and a woman spotted us and wanted to share her thoughts. She told us that she hadn't seen a coupling of our type before and basically applauded us for being together. We were polite but a little speechless because we don't think that much of it. And didn't think it necessary to have a round of applause for being two people who happen to love each other.

And now that we have a child some other funny things have come about. We moved into a new complex of buildings in Fall of last year. We just go about our business and don't know who of our unknown neighbors pay much attention to us but after having her it's funny to see how many people have been so curious of what a product of our combined DNA looks like. There are many that break their necks to get a peek of our little bundle in her stroller as we pass by. We've had neighbors who saw us together while I was pregnant and now they say, "Oh let me see! I've been dying to see what the baby looks like". The curiosity is pretty cute.



Check the family photos here:
Baby & Family Photo session




How We Met
 

Once upon a time we were a happy little goofy couple stumbling our way through the introductions and awkward first date to puppy love and then gracefully (NOT) walking hand in hand in love to becoming a family.
 
Now the most popular question we get, as I'm sure most couples do, is how did we meet. While some people might be apprehensive to share this, with the landscape of dating so much I have no shame in saying that we meet online.

 God that seems like forever ago now! But we'd checked each others profiles. I remember thinking he was pretty cute but knew that with my shy somewhat old fashioned self that if he didn't initiate, I would most likely just let it go. Luckily he did make the first "move", which online is a private message. We started to message each other and it was pretty clear that were different from each other but both liked each other and were excited to meet. So we didn't stretch out the online contact too long before we decided to meet. With my kooky schedule we decided to meet for coffee in the morning. We had a pretty awkward yet surprisingly long first date. I remember being so nervous I kept fiddling with my clothes and the paper on the table. While he noticed that must have had 4 glasses of water. Because I knew I was so nervous, I had planned to get to the restaurant first so I could get settled in and calmed and figured if I could see him come in I'd feel better.
 
Apparently I didn't get there early enough I arrived to the restaurant to see him already sitting there waiting for me. {{DAMN}} I wish I could remember everything we talked about but nerves got  better of that memory. As the date ended, on a blustery day in February, I remember walking with him to the train station and he wasn't wearing a coat and he claimed he wasn't cold which given the temperature, was hard to believe. He admitted later to being cold that day. But once we arrived to the train station what surprised me most was him kissing me on our first date. I was pretty taken aback. I was chattering on through our goodbyes and he stepped in, put his hands around me and kissed me. 


Our second date was harder to plan with my schedule and the snow storms at the time so when we finally met again for date two it was about 3 weeks later. Which normally could be the kiss of death but we worked around the time constraints. We went to the movies and he came to check
out my job and hang with me there for a little bit. After a couple of months I became a nervous that things wouldn't work (A little bit of the past getting in the way) and started to back away. He was so sure that things would work between us that he was persistent through my fears and uncertainties. 

And of course looking at the course or lives has taken, I am beyond appreciative for him sticking with me.     

 

Is that your daughter???

This has got to be my favorite question. Ok please recognize my sarcasm! And I'm only prompted to write about it after being asked the umpteenth time yesterday It's one of those questions that more likely gives you answers about what the questioner is thinking. 

 I recall a friend of mine some years ago saying she wouldn't want to mother a mixed child because she wouldn't want to be seen as the nanny. I thought it funny and a bit extreme to think that way but now I'm starting to wonder how right she actually was.

Ok so I am black, my daughter's father is not so yes my daughter is mixed. But the fact that I get asked this question says they didn't even think of that as a possibility first. And it's a question that other parents of mixed children don't get asked.If you were to see a visibly mixed child with a non white woman, you would be inclined to think that was the mother. When you see a black man with a mixed child you would presume he's the father but somehow that's not always the presuming when you're a black woman. People think nanny. The funny thing is I mostly get asked by black women which I didn't expect. Most of us here are from The US and the Caribbean...Both parts of the world have blacks that are products of the African Diaspora. Ancestors brought to their perspective homelands via slavery. Over generations because of exposure to different races and cultures we inevitably would mix....in a variety of different ways (I'm going about this as nicely as I can). Some of us ended up with more mixed families than others. My point is that we are not new to this. So the lack of ability to come to that conclusion boggles my mind sometimes.

I mean are my daughter and I so drastically different looking from each other. While she really looks like her dad. I'm definitely there too. Right? I see it and I get disappointed when others don't. When I check out little me next to little she, it's pretty easy to see....I think.


Now when me walking down the street, baby in tow, you can see the her cafe au lait skin tone and loosely curled hair next to my chocolate sun kissed skin and tightly curled hair those differences are very apparent....when that's all you go by. It just bothers me the clearer it becomes that people don't really LOOK at us and rely mainly stereotypes first and everything else after. 


Hopefully one day I can come up with a witty or funny response for the question next time it comes up/

We Are Family

In March I decided it'd be nice to do some family photos with our then two month old. We got some great shots. Though I have yet to purchase everything I want I love every shot taken. It was a lucky break finding our photographer who is near home and she did an awesome job! 



Check the link below for pics on her blog from the session
  
Sen and Family

5 months and counting

My gosh that little girl impresses me everyday. But I suppose all parents say that. She's rolling from her tummy onto her back rolling back and forth, picking up things, and throwing things believe it or not. Most people love the fact that she loves to stick her tongue out so she is always clowning for the cameras.

She's officially added solids to her roster. Started with sweet potatoes, which surprisingly she didn't like too much. Then we moved on to avocado and that was  total hit.

Her personality is becoming so distinct and with a shrill ear piercing scream, she makes it perfectly clear what she doesn't like, with a little giggle, what she likes and with a full belly laugh what she loves. She's ticklish which is too cute. She's a total chatterbox and loves the interaction for constant conversation. She even picked her own toy about a week ago, a stuffed pig with HUGE pink eyes we've lovingly named Hamilton

 

We were in a toy store getting a sippy cup and I saw a teddy bear I thought was cute and was trying to direct her attention to. Unimpressed, she lunged forward to the rack in front us grabbing Hamilton off the rack after they locked big doe eyes. Apparently I was oblivious to the connection. I would try testing her after she chose him switching hands with Hamilton and another toy that I'd alternate. No matter where he ended up Hamilton always won.  It was apparent that she and he were not to be denied and who am I to come between love at first sight.  I knew then he was coming home with us and bought him for her with no fuss. I look forward to seeing how this relationship develops.

What's In A Name

I always get curious nod when I tell people my daughter's name or they inquisitively repeat it back "Sin?", "Sun?", "San?".Now granted I realize I'm not completely saying it as accurately as I could but that's ok to me.What is most important is the reason he name was chosen in the first place and that I'm...pretty close.

Like so many other moms and dads to be, we sat around with baby books looking for the perfect name for or daughter.  We knew what names we didn't want and now had to focus on the ones we did.

Sen was a name I had in my back pocket way before I was pregnant but was worried I was the only one between us who'd like it so initially when I found out I was pregnant I kept it to myself.

I picked the name because I felt it was important to me and I felt it would be important to her father too for a number of reasons but that all remained to be seen until I revealed my name choice.  I wanted a name that wasn't common (or commonly American) and had meaning and what could have more meaning that a beautiful name from Vietnam.

Sen's father was adopted in 1975 during the fall of Saigon and because of that he has not tangible link to his country of origin. I always feel that some kind of connection is to your origin and heritage is important and I think passion about that is very common in the black community.  African Americans often refer to Africa as the Mother Land and lament about having no knowledge of our countries of origin within Africa our tribes or languages. 

Sometimes the connection you have with your birthplace can be something all encompassing like a journey and travel across the country, immersing yourself in the culture and language or sometimes something small like a three letter name with a beautiful meaning can have tremendous impact and create deeper bonds.  

Initially her she was going to have a Vietnamese name and an African one. Seemed like as cool idea. But I saw a segment on this restaurant and that all went out the window. The place is in Manhattan and is called Petite Abeille. I thought it was too cute. And her father liked it too. So there it is Sen Abeille. 

Now there are a couple of funny things about 1) The pairing of the names Vietnamese and French and 2) the meaning of Abeille which is bee. Complete, utter and total coincidences!!! Yet still a little funny. 

Welcome to Mommyhood

On January 6, 2013 Brian and I happily welcomed Sen Abeille to the world. After patiently waiting and feeling all too certain she would be born before her due date, December 29, 2012, we or should I say I, started biting my fingers when my induction date was approaching. Lucky for us, she decided to come on her own the day before when my water broke and labor started on January 5,2012. Hallelujah!

Although I know how high strung I can be and how late I started preparing, I was going to try my hand at natural birth...hmm. We made our way to the hospital arriving at about 4:30 PM.The first few hours were a piece of cake. I was smiling and watching the spikes on monitor. Having expected worse I got a little cocky. By that night I had fallen asleep.I was woken at about 10pm to be admistered something to soften my cervix since I was only 2cm dilated....still. That was a game changer. I was now ready for some assistance. By midnight or so I was given the epidural. I was so worried I wouldn't sleep and wouldn't have the energy to push when the time came. So I pretty much allowed myself to be skerred right out of a possible natural birth.

So I got the epidural and headed back to sleep only to be awaken by chills at about 1 AM. I was freezing. Shaking uncontrollably and teeth chattering. I had my honey pile blankets on me. A couple of hours later, around 5AM or later, I woke up nauseous. I started to throw up and now had a fever of 102F. What the hell was going on. I was in complete pain as if I never had an epi. I was calling for another round. The doctor moseyed on in at about 6:30AM. I could feel the warmth of the injection. The nurse said I'd feel relief soon. That never happened. For some reason the pain never subsided. It just increased...exponentially. Ugh.  The nurse was cool. She kept my breathing on track which was helping. It went that way for about an hour. The pain increased. I breathed and I held and squeezed my honey's hand (within reason of course). Then he suggested that I turn on my side. Maybe that would help. It didn't. It was worse. Oh soooo much worse. When I turned to my side I could feel a massive stretch and all that nice cool breathing went out the window and down the drain. It was so intense, so fast, I couldn't catch my breath.  I was hugging the bedrails tensing my body and freaking the hell out!! I'm embarrassed to admit that the wheels TOTALLY fell off.  Instinctively I started grunting and felt like I needed to push. I was thinking it's totally true. When it's time your body truly knows. As for pushing, that's another story.

Now I've seen every sitcom, rocom, drama dramedy known to man. And at some point they all have some actress grunting with beads on mist sprayed on her brow imitating life and bringing forth life. It looks like a Nike ad. You just do it, right? Wrong!! They tell you push, bear downm, act like you're taking a dump etc but I am here to say that it's not as easy or as instictive as one would have you believe. It kind of sucks. I started pushing at about 8:00 am on January 6th after the doctor told me she didn't like how the baby was presenting and her heart rate showed signs of distress and she was on the verge of giving me a c-section but that was all dependent on how this whole pushing thing went. So there was that. Pressure. I now had to deliver (get it) and push as efficiently as possible which I had no idea how to do to make sure I didn't end up under the knife. Awesome. 

Everytime I'd go I'd here no, that's wrong that was so o discouraging. But suddenly I started to get it....Only because the bottoms of my feet were held. The counter pressure gave me something to push off of so I started to get it. If I had time and a chance to do it all again I would use the birthing bar. It helps everything make more sense. Then my honey excitedly let me know he could see her head all all her hair. That definitely gives you the surge of energy and encouragement I needed. It's funny you just keep toiling away and pushing and then suddenly it's over. She's out. And massive pressure just disappears and it's just relief.  

Unfortunately my relief was replaced with panic when I didn't hear her cry. I sat there in that bed waiting for skin to skin after I heard her voice for the first time. Minutes passed by and I could see the doctor working on her. I sat there waiting trying not to freak out. Finally after the longest 5 minutes of my life I heard that precious cry and they brought her over to me to hold. She immediately stopped crying when I held her. I spoke to her quietly and just drank her in. It was amazing but unfortunately short lived. They took her away to be admitted to the NICU because she was limp and slow to respond at birth with a fever and merconium in the womb. Definitely a rough first day for my little flower.