Still not the nanny

Ok so I am thoroughly aware that my daughter and I are not twins. I get it.  And that's perfectly fine. This isn't some narcissistic rant but it is an observation (and a rant) about how much race (and color but mostly race) play into what people see when I am pushing around my daughter in the stroller.  "Is that your daughter?" Is a question I find myself answering often but I rather answer than have presumptions be made.

Now when you plan, carry and give birth and care for your child, having your maternity questioned can be insulting but the awareness that you are answering that question because of your race just adds injury to the insult because this is something that my husband would never have to deal with. And far too often people refuse to use their common sense or just refuse to hear or accept what you're saying.  For instance, there have been ocassions when people have seen my husband, daughter and I all together. A family unit. And still wonder who I am or say IF that's your daughter she's very cute. See what I mean, common sense. I had a woman I had talked to for MONTHS about our kids, who'd seen us all out together ask me after all of our conversations, "So, do you have children?" and asked me where I lived. So she couldn't fathom that we were neighbors nor that this was my daughter and once we cleared the air, she apologized, " I'm sorry, when I am seeing you I am seeing a nanny."

If you have any questions that race and sex as well, play a huge part in this, just flip the scenarios. Hell why not pay with both.

A) I imagine that if my daughter were to walk hand in hand with a friend of mine who were white, she'd be presumed her daughter with a lot more ease than she is presumed mine though neither of her parents are white.  

B) If my husband and I just changed sexes, NEITHER of us would hear these questions. As a black man with the same skin color no one would question if she was my daughter. They would just assume she was. And maybe this has something to do with the couplings people are accustomed to. But in a way, its also a sign of the times. Back in the 90's if I saw a black women with mixed children, regardless of similar features I would assume mom. I think most people would. But the number of nannies who are brown skinned has definitely increased and so have peoples presumptions and tendency to lump most black women pushing a stroller around in certain places nannies. Small mindedness and snap judgements as a sign of the times is bit….concerning.

What I can say is that I learned a lot about presumptuousness and how to navigate it when it comes to parent child relationships especially in the area of interracial relationships.