I always get curious nod when I tell people my daughter's name or they inquisitively repeat it back "Sin?", "Sun?", "San?".Now granted I realize I'm not completely saying it as accurately as I could but that's ok to me.What is most important is the reason he name was chosen in the first place and that I'm...pretty close.
Like so many other moms and dads to be, we sat around with baby books looking for the perfect name for or daughter. We knew what names we didn't want and now had to focus on the ones we did.
Sen was a name I had in my back pocket way before I was pregnant but was worried I was the only one between us who'd like it so initially when I found out I was pregnant I kept it to myself.
I picked the name because I felt it was important to me and I felt it would be important to her father too for a number of reasons but that all remained to be seen until I revealed my name choice. I wanted a name that wasn't common (or commonly American) and had meaning and what could have more meaning that a beautiful name from Vietnam.
Sen's father was adopted in 1975 during the fall of Saigon and because of that he has not tangible link to his country of origin. I always feel that some kind of connection is to your origin and heritage is important and I think passion about that is very common in the black community. African Americans often refer to Africa as the Mother Land and lament about having no knowledge of our countries of origin within Africa our tribes or languages.
Sometimes the connection you have with your birthplace can be something all encompassing like a journey and travel across the country, immersing yourself in the culture and language or sometimes something small like a three letter name with a beautiful meaning can have tremendous impact and create deeper bonds.
Initially her she was going to have a Vietnamese name and an African one. Seemed like as cool idea. But I saw a segment on this restaurant and that all went out the window. The place is in Manhattan and is called Petite Abeille. I thought it was too cute. And her father liked it too. So there it is Sen Abeille.
Now there are a couple of funny things about 1) The pairing of the names Vietnamese and French and 2) the meaning of Abeille which is bee. Complete, utter and total coincidences!!! Yet still a little funny.
On January 6, 2013 Brian and I happily welcomed Sen Abeille to the world. After patiently waiting and feeling all too certain she would be born before her due date, December 29, 2012, we or should I say I, started biting my fingers when my induction date was approaching. Lucky for us, she decided to come on her own the day before when my water broke and labor started on January 5,2012. Hallelujah!
Although I know how high strung I can be and how late I started preparing, I was going to try my hand at natural birth...hmm. We made our way to the hospital arriving at about 4:30 PM.The first few hours were a piece of cake. I was smiling and watching the spikes on monitor. Having expected worse I got a little cocky. By that night I had fallen asleep.I was woken at about 10pm to be admistered something to soften my cervix since I was only 2cm dilated....still. That was a game changer. I was now ready for some assistance. By midnight or so I was given the epidural. I was so worried I wouldn't sleep and wouldn't have the energy to push when the time came. So I pretty much allowed myself to be skerred right out of a possible natural birth.
So I got the epidural and headed back to sleep only to be awaken by chills at about 1 AM. I was freezing. Shaking uncontrollably and teeth chattering. I had my honey pile blankets on me. A couple of hours later, around 5AM or later, I woke up nauseous. I started to throw up and now had a fever of 102F. What the hell was going on. I was in complete pain as if I never had an epi. I was calling for another round. The doctor moseyed on in at about 6:30AM. I could feel the warmth of the injection. The nurse said I'd feel relief soon. That never happened. For some reason the pain never subsided. It just increased...exponentially. Ugh. The nurse was cool. She kept my breathing on track which was helping. It went that way for about an hour. The pain increased. I breathed and I held and squeezed my honey's hand (within reason of course). Then he suggested that I turn on my side. Maybe that would help. It didn't. It was worse. Oh soooo much worse. When I turned to my side I could feel a massive stretch and all that nice cool breathing went out the window and down the drain. It was so intense, so fast, I couldn't catch my breath. I was hugging the bedrails tensing my body and freaking the hell out!! I'm embarrassed to admit that the wheels TOTALLY fell off. Instinctively I started grunting and felt like I needed to push. I was thinking it's totally true. When it's time your body truly knows. As for pushing, that's another story.
Now I've seen every sitcom, rocom, drama dramedy known to man. And at some point they all have some actress grunting with beads on mist sprayed on her brow imitating life and bringing forth life. It looks like a Nike ad. You just do it, right? Wrong!! They tell you push, bear downm, act like you're taking a dump etc but I am here to say that it's not as easy or as instictive as one would have you believe. It kind of sucks. I started pushing at about 8:00 am on January 6th after the doctor told me she didn't like how the baby was presenting and her heart rate showed signs of distress and she was on the verge of giving me a c-section but that was all dependent on how this whole pushing thing went. So there was that. Pressure. I now had to deliver (get it) and push as efficiently as possible which I had no idea how to do to make sure I didn't end up under the knife. Awesome.
Everytime I'd go I'd here no, that's wrong that was so o discouraging. But suddenly I started to get it....Only because the bottoms of my feet were held. The counter pressure gave me something to push off of so I started to get it. If I had time and a chance to do it all again I would use the birthing bar. It helps everything make more sense. Then my honey excitedly let me know he could see her head all all her hair. That definitely gives you the surge of energy and encouragement I needed. It's funny you just keep toiling away and pushing and then suddenly it's over. She's out. And massive pressure just disappears and it's just relief.
Unfortunately my relief was replaced with panic when I didn't hear her cry. I sat there in that bed waiting for skin to skin after I heard her voice for the first time. Minutes passed by and I could see the doctor working on her. I sat there waiting trying not to freak out. Finally after the longest 5 minutes of my life I heard that precious cry and they brought her over to me to hold. She immediately stopped crying when I held her. I spoke to her quietly and just drank her in. It was amazing but unfortunately short lived. They took her away to be admitted to the NICU because she was limp and slow to respond at birth with a fever and merconium in the womb. Definitely a rough first day for my little flower.
